Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Hello!

Hello, there! 

I have decided to start my own blog. 
I am a spontaneous person. 
I do not always think things through before I start them, and that's pretty much everything I do in life.

So here I am! Super excited. Probably not really prepared, but I do have some stories to tell.

However, first I will give some introduction. My name is Dory. Dory? As in super-forgetful-almost-can't-remember-your-name-Dory?
Yes, that Dory. As far as the story behind it goes, this one is actually pretty self-explanatory. I'm just a forgetful person, which is where about 3/4 of my funny stories come from. 

I'm a student at a community college working on my prerequisites for my bachelors degree. Being a forgetful student in college is pretty interesting. Now to clarify--I don't drink or do drugs or anything that would really explain being forgetful. I just am forgetful. 
and forgetful

However, beings that it's a community college I see some pretty funny things every day. Everyone is always on their phones doing a variety of things. Texting for one. Walking down the hallways at school, sidewalks in your neighborhood, or shopping for groceries, you only ever see the top of people’s heads. That is, if you look up long enough to notice. See, I’m curious about what it is that just can’t wait about texting so that you have to constantly be looking down at your phone. Isn’t that kind of weird when you think about it? To everyone else you look like you’re walking around studying the specks of mud on your shoes, or maybe you’re thinking about how shockingly good lookin' your shoes are. Or maybe you just have a death wish. For instance, while I stood in line for a bus I witnessed 5 separate occasions where a pedestrian was nearly run over because both the pedestrian and the driver were texting while in the parking lot. Sure you can text and walk, but you might end up as a pancake.
What about text speak? We all know that’s weird. Yet we continue to use it. Since when do we go around saying lol smiley face? Everyone claims that it’s faster to use this new lingo that came about with the invention of texting which it undoubtedly is, but is texting as a whole faster than just calling someone? Sometimes. But I think if we’re all honest we know the real reason why we would rather walk around looking like a zombie and saying “lol smiley face” is because we’re avoiding conversations we know we have to have.
And not only do we have texting on our phones, but we also have social media on our phones. Social media. America’s new favorite pastime. In recent years we’ve made the transition from baseball, water sports, football, soccer, skiing, and the great outdoors in general to such activities as tweeting, pinning, and posting. Fifty years ago, if you had mentioned those activities, everyone around you would have envisioned you making flapping motions with your arms while you ran around the room imitating a bird. Pinning would have given people the image of you sitting calmly in a tailor shop making  a new dress with your trusty metal instruments. And perhaps when you said posting those around you would have envisioned you in a cowboy hat and flannel riding a horse and planting posts in the ground to keep in your herd of cattle or sheep.
These activities all gave us great physical exercise, but now the only part of our body that gets exercised is our thumbs! We tweet about our bagels. We post about our breakups. We pin thousands upon thousands of cute, creative ideas that we have no intention of ever doing ourselves.
Then there’s snapchat. This is quite possibly the most ridiculous form of social media we participate in and always the most obvious. For some reason, you see people walking down the hall holding their phone up to the ceiling staring at it like they’ve had four cups of coffee each with double shots of espresso, or sometimes, it seems as if snapchatters are holding their phones up and looking at it like a t-rex just sneezed on it. All while walking down the hall. Pretty talented. I know if I were a potential employer checking out potential employees on campus that I’d hire someone that talented.
Also on social media such as Facebook and Twitter we say weird things. We really do. Does anyone else really want to know about the ingrown toenail on the second toe of your left foot? Also, why is it that “good luck posts” show up in our feed all the time? I never repost those and so far I still have all my family members, my hair, my money, and my cats. Go figure.
Well, I hope that you have enjoyed, at least to some degree, this satire. It was very fun to write. More to come!